I used to belong to lots of groups: the Boy Scouts, the Dalton City little league team, the Rock Grove Youth Fellowship, the Madison Rotary Club, the East Jordan E.U.B. Church, and the Modern Woodman Insurance Fraternity. But alas my membership has lapsed in all those esteemed organizations.
I have never joined a political party. I was going to join the Republicans when I was in high school, but Spiro Agnew (Richard Nixon’s Vice President) scared me. And I might have joined the Democrats, but their Chicago shenanigans turned me off. (When it comes time to vote, I split my ticket.
I do belong to some things these days: the Triple A, the AARP, the National Geographic Society, a clergy group that meets occasionally for donuts, and Grace Church’s D League softball team.
What got me started on all this? My AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) renewal notice came this week. I am surprised that they let me join them (six months ago)…since I am not retired. But it turns out that their standards are very low: anyone over 50 with an extra 16 bucks can become a member. And when you join, you will be sent 50 nuisance emails a week. You will also get three unwanted phone calls a day from an 800 area code. But you will also get their monthly bulletin. I like the bulletin.
The bulletin also tells you which state has the unhealthiest old people: Louisiana (something about not eating right down there.)
Illinois ranks 37th. It turns out that smoking is on the rise for old people in Illinois: up 12%. I’m not sure how they got that statistic, but I’d start by taking a peak at the “margin of error” on their statistical surveys. I have yet to meet an old person who “just started” smoking. So how can the percentage go up? The only other way the percentage of old smokers might go up is if the people who do NOT smoke are dying at a faster rate…which would logically indicate that smoking might be good for you. Mind you: I’m not advocating that we all start smoking once we join the AARP. I’m just trying to figure out the statistics.
There was another big thing I learned in this month’s bulletin: today is the beginning of “Brain Awareness Week.” Umm…but there is no article in the publication telling us what we are to actually DO during brain awareness week. I guess they want us to use our brains to come up with something on our own~~~
So how about this: Why don’t we give our brains a break? Since they are stuck in our skulls, they’re forced to focus on whatever neighbors we give them: the TV set, the Internet, the cell phone, negative people… Let’s give them a week long Sabbatical. If our brains have been exposed to too much politics, for example, let’s just let the clowns play without our being in their audience for a week. (The mesmerizing goofiness will still be there when we get back…I guarantee it.)
Maybe we can give our brains some time with a real live friend instead of Facebook, news from a real paper newspaper, entertainment from an in your face child. We could liberate our brains from servitude to a GPS and instead let them play with a real map. Or we could take our brains for a walk outdoors and unleash their curiosity.
And then to top it all off, we can gorge on healthy brain food for a week. How about we hold a church potluck for “Brain Awareness Week,” only serving dishes made of walnuts, spinach, eggs, beets, and sardines?